The Case of the Disappearing Gobbler Gang

A few weeks ago, while doing some small jobs around the house, I answered the phone and heard the voice that gives me chills....often the exciting kind but sometimes less so.

“Clean out and turn on the freezer in the basement. I’ve got a couple of cold bodies I want to put in there for now.”

When in this frame of mind, Cheri isn’t one to be toyed with. “Yes dear,” was all I could reply while dropping my tools and digging out the Lysol. If nothing else got done that day at least we would have someplace where the bodies wouldn’t decompose.

A little while later she showed up at the house with the bodies in the back of the car. They were wrapped up in netting and not much else. She’d man-handled them into the car herself and she was also able to get them out of the car and into the basement on her own. I took a quick peek and confirmed my suspicions; they were a couple of members of the Gobbler Gang. From what I could see, they still looked pretty firm and prior to this event had a good body on them--firm breasts and nice gams!

The Gobbler Gang had been running wild in the area and started showing up along roadways and in fields across Woodstock. Some sign-waving and protesting also began to take place and members of the community were taking it upon themselves to "thin the herd".

“We’ll dispose of one of these ourselves, and I’m sure that besides some bleached bones there won’t be evidence left when we’re done,” Cheri stated, and then in a nonchalant way added, “We’ll pass off the other one through the Church.” Hmmm, a way to keep the bodies at arms length I thought….laundering them through the Church. Let someone else deal with the leftovers, not a bad idea.

A few days later, Cheri met up with Jamie “The Rev” Harrison and filled him in on our plan for getting rid of the bodies. It seems he too is in the know on the use of the Church as a way to get rid of the gang’s bodies, and it turned out he and Martha had an extra one they needed help with as well. Since many hands make the work go faster Cheri agreed we’d assist, and planning began on the use of the Thanksgiving Holiday to cover the deed. I only hoped it didn't go the way of the St. Valentines' Day Massacre where body parts were left laying all around. This time everything had to go!

In preparation for the day's events, Cheri and I got up early and went to the gym. We didn't think belly massages would be in the plans for later in the day, so better to burn off some calories and make space by attending a spinning class. Then it was back home to some preliminary "grazing" on omelets.

It was then time to move on to the Harrison's house for the "festivities". The two ringleaders of the planned event can be seen in the picture to the right. There was also key support from Martha, seen here beating some potatoes into submission. Since there was such a large body to dispose of, the party also included Denise, Dan, and Susan (l to r) shown with Jamie, plus Jack next to Cheri.

Rounding out the party are Chris Harrison (shown with Jack) and Ben Harrison (seen in a side shot with Martha).

Everything was set. The table was laid out in splendid fashion,

some accompaniments to aid in the disposal of the evidence were put on the counter, and the guest Gobbler Gang member was getting a tan so he would look his finest for the party.

Soon, Jamie was dismembering the one guest who wouldn't be going home after the party and we all sat down to enjoy the fruits of our planning. As evidenced by the end result, the objective of removing all traces of this member of the Gobbler Gang seems to have been well met.

Since, it wouldn't be right to go from a big meal to a big dessert the party took a break to play "Foodie Fight", a trivia game about more eating. There were three teams, Cheri and I were on different teams and suffice it to say that neither of us won at this game....but we gave it a good shot!

Soon the desserts came out along with a little after dinner libation. Party members then graduated to different levels of reclining. This was as close to belly massages as we got, so it was a good thing we had gone spinning earlier.

Our Thanks to the Harrisons for letting us be a part of this celebration. We had a wonderful time.

As for the Case of the Missing Gobbler....it still isn't closed. We still have a "stiff" in the basement freezer.